Many a times I wish I could let go
But I know the consequences of that
My silence means volumes but you are so used to having me around my silence is golden for u
Taken me for granted is the word …but to you its called trying your best
How you can apologise to someone and then say what you did is not that major considering you haven’t been caught cheating..defeats the fact that you apologized in the first place
How you can avoid telling the truth by avoiding a topic and then say u didn’t do it intentionally for 3 months beats my understanding..
How you could be caught messing with your ex by text and say it was only harmless fun..makes me a bigger fool for believing you
How you expect me to just let it go because it was just a text and I didn’t catch u sleeping with her makes me look like a bigger fool
How u could say it was harmless fun and you never planned to meet up with her for lunch…makes me hate myself for ever been faithful to you..
I hate that I cant pay u back for the hurt that you caused me
I hate that I hang around hoping for better days
I hate that u know this about me
I hate that because you know this about me…u take me for granted.
I hate that because u know ill always be around…when I say im hurting …it just another song in your ears..you don’t take it seriously
I hate that I have given my all to you,
Cos partners like you deserve people who care for them but not in totality
I hate that I cant let go..
I hate that u say youre sorry with a teaspoon yet the hurt that you have caused is an ocean full
I hate that just the other day we looked promising…
Yet the same person who sounded so promising is so scornful..
Speaking hateful words to me through the same lips that professed love for me
I hate that with those same lips you say youre sorry with folded arms and you expect things to change..
You spend 30 mins making me feel inadequate and saying scornful things…
Yet you spend ten seconds saying youre sorry
And if you don’t get an open shoulder in 30 mins u go about ur day like u never did anything hurtful..and its up to me to now make amends ..cos in your world you have said sorry and if u haven’t been caught cheating whatever you did cannot be that bad…and if u haven’t killed someone it cant be that bad..
I hate that u are so confident when you lie..
And even when caught lying u would rather stick to the lie so that u can prove a point..
You cannot stand been told u have done something wrong..
Cos whoever is pointing fingers is just trying to prove they are better than u..
How about taking a step back and realize that sometimes sorry doesn’t cut it
Sometimes depending on the amount of hurt you have caused
U might need to say sorry in a different way
And please don’t leave the onus on the other person to forgive u, but put the responsibility on yourself to ensure things get back to where they were, as we all know forgiveness is earned not requested?!!!
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
Friday, 1 July 2011
The Myne Whitman writes effect!!
Twas my birthday, he took me to see the lion king at the theatre
It was vibrant, full of colors; the singing by the lioness was beautiful
Simba had the peckable pecks and torso
Woulda loved to say kissable but I have to remember im married
The acting, the smell of laughter
The feel of your loved one next to you
Celebrating your marital years together in turmoil and love in its true essence
The sound of resounding laughter and reminiscent music
From your childhood years…memories
As we sang all together “can you feel the love tonite…”
And then samba swoops the lioness up in utter joy
You will be able to read between the lines and know that as a naija kid I never got to remember the lioness’ name …all thanks to nepa (electrical supplier back then in Nigeria)
After that he whisked me away to reading into the woods for the weekend away…spending two nights in the hotel ..doing nothing but talking, swimming and laughing…little twitches in the electrical current and getting on each others nerves but we can blame that on the fact that we never see much of each other…
Then on this bright and sunny day we woke up listened to the sermon from our church online, it was pastor Adeboye and as we listened we thought we go for floats and goggles for the lil one so he can join us swimming, so we headed to the town centre….we had icecream and there was the chirp of the birds in the tree…laughing and holding hands together and then there was music coming from the street nearby,
As we got closer I had a flash back of Myne Whitmans’ road trip in which she said she got scooped up by Atala and all that jazz and then they danced and shared a kiss…yeh yeh yeh ..so yes this is it …
I grabbed his hand and spun round with a smile saying cmon lets dance grabbing his waist and he whispered “ I REALLY DON’T FANCY THIS, DEFINITELY NOT DANCING, WE’LL DO IT LATER” and there I was with the look of surprise, disgust, shame, yepa look, see isho look, I sooo knew u will not be feeling spontaneous look, and then I said to him what’s wrong with a bit of fun, just let your hair down and be spontaneous… he replies yeh I wish I could maybe later..
And that’s how the butterflies and the music in my head ended…you know when ure buzzing with so much love and appreciation for love and what it gives especially when we been going thru a tough time. and you’re finally glad that things are getting better and u have a song in your head …well that was the silent moment where I lost the rhythm and I wished the ground will swallow me etc…
Which then brings me to the closing point if only we all had partners that see love the way we see it..if only we can all have a love rekindled the way Myne describes, if only we have had our heart mended after a moment of yepa here and there,,,but unfortunately my heart has not been mended I will be sure not to try any publicity stunts all in the name that aww Myne did it…and I will be sure to leave those ideas of Myne to her lovely Atala and her novels,, and just keep praying that my love and boldness to try it again will be rekindled…big shout out to Atala and Myne,, im sure u never knew the havoc your lovely tales can cause lol..i love u anyways…
Its your girl Barefeet x
Myne’s blog if you never read her blog is http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/ (by the way Myne just realised your link reads "my-new-hitman-writes.com" some subliminal site u have there ei? or are you trying to tell us something? lol)
It was vibrant, full of colors; the singing by the lioness was beautiful
Simba had the peckable pecks and torso
Woulda loved to say kissable but I have to remember im married
The acting, the smell of laughter
The feel of your loved one next to you
Celebrating your marital years together in turmoil and love in its true essence
The sound of resounding laughter and reminiscent music
From your childhood years…memories
As we sang all together “can you feel the love tonite…”
And then samba swoops the lioness up in utter joy
You will be able to read between the lines and know that as a naija kid I never got to remember the lioness’ name …all thanks to nepa (electrical supplier back then in Nigeria)
After that he whisked me away to reading into the woods for the weekend away…spending two nights in the hotel ..doing nothing but talking, swimming and laughing…little twitches in the electrical current and getting on each others nerves but we can blame that on the fact that we never see much of each other…
Then on this bright and sunny day we woke up listened to the sermon from our church online, it was pastor Adeboye and as we listened we thought we go for floats and goggles for the lil one so he can join us swimming, so we headed to the town centre….we had icecream and there was the chirp of the birds in the tree…laughing and holding hands together and then there was music coming from the street nearby,
As we got closer I had a flash back of Myne Whitmans’ road trip in which she said she got scooped up by Atala and all that jazz and then they danced and shared a kiss…yeh yeh yeh ..so yes this is it …
I grabbed his hand and spun round with a smile saying cmon lets dance grabbing his waist and he whispered “ I REALLY DON’T FANCY THIS, DEFINITELY NOT DANCING, WE’LL DO IT LATER” and there I was with the look of surprise, disgust, shame, yepa look, see isho look, I sooo knew u will not be feeling spontaneous look, and then I said to him what’s wrong with a bit of fun, just let your hair down and be spontaneous… he replies yeh I wish I could maybe later..
And that’s how the butterflies and the music in my head ended…you know when ure buzzing with so much love and appreciation for love and what it gives especially when we been going thru a tough time. and you’re finally glad that things are getting better and u have a song in your head …well that was the silent moment where I lost the rhythm and I wished the ground will swallow me etc…
Which then brings me to the closing point if only we all had partners that see love the way we see it..if only we can all have a love rekindled the way Myne describes, if only we have had our heart mended after a moment of yepa here and there,,,but unfortunately my heart has not been mended I will be sure not to try any publicity stunts all in the name that aww Myne did it…and I will be sure to leave those ideas of Myne to her lovely Atala and her novels,, and just keep praying that my love and boldness to try it again will be rekindled…big shout out to Atala and Myne,, im sure u never knew the havoc your lovely tales can cause lol..i love u anyways…
Its your girl Barefeet x
Myne’s blog if you never read her blog is http://www.mynewhitmanwrites.com/ (by the way Myne just realised your link reads "my-new-hitman-writes.com" some subliminal site u have there ei? or are you trying to tell us something? lol)
Tuesday, 21 June 2011
A fool in love series 2
So as we trudged along with me havin evidence that he is messing around with the ex And his Side of story that they were just flirting and it was nothing serious he wasn't planning to meet up with her
Then I spent a few weeks in solitary tryin to work on my brain so I don't live each day in the relationship tryin to hurt him back
You know when he asks u a question u just want to shout back rather than be civil... U just want to ask him why he was messing around with the ex etc
Anywhoo there have been improvements in regards to the story and believe me I'll leave it to u guys to figure out if it can be called positive?
The other day goin thru his fone as usual as there is no trust I am left with spying on him all the time
I saw a text that he sent to his ex's sister saying
"Putting my son to bed will call u back later"
That was sent to a naija number and this is me thinking don't tell me he is not in contact with the ex but now the sister does that make it less of a crime against what we agreed that he was to cut all ties with his ex
Sha I was not goin to ask him cos I thot oh well it's not that much of a crime as he and the ex's sister were always close friends of which he was told me about
Then on the other hand i thot since we are still In the process of healing I best not mention anything as that will only bring us back to where we started
And I also had to remind myself that he asked for sometime to win my trust back and clear up the mess of the past
So bringing this up will be like within 2 weeks of our last find I was expecting him to have cleared the mess up
And cut all ties
I then said for the sake of my sanity i would have to ask him regardless cos I cannot continue acting like were building especially on a foundation that has been shaken up once more With the news that he is in contact with the ex's sister
I then asked him see below
Me; so have we heard anything from ur ex since our last conversation
Hubby; since the last time no oo i haven't heard anything
Me; so she hasn't called or any of her family haven't called u
Hubby; no they havent not heard from them
I then put my head down at the disbelief and blatant lie he was telling then I asked the last question
Me; so ur ex's sister hasn't called u?
Hubby; no she hasn't
Me; so why did u send her a text saying u will call her back
Hubby; i knew u were gonna say that... She called me the other day and started asking that why did my wife call my ex asking her all those questions that my wife had no right to call and start accusing the ex of something that never was and I just told her that just leave me to deal with my wife and u deal with ur sister on ur side and she was having none of it and just kept on shouting so I cut fone and lied that I was putting my son to bed and I'll call her back which i never did.. The reason I didn't tell u about it is because I Thot we were still fresh in regards to the last incident and i didnt want u thinking I got in contact with her again so I just thot I'll delete it out of my system and we hopefully build what was broken already rather than bringing up the issue again ...
Me; ok fine that I understand but what bugs me deeply is the fact that even when i just asked u about it u denied it profusely that then makes me think what else are u lying to me about .. What else are u hiding away from me in the name of not hurting me... For all I Care u might have been in contact with ur ex's sister to try and get to talk to ur ex
Hubby; well I knew u were gonna say that .. I just wish u would give me some time to fix this problem I have of constantly lying.. It's something i have been doin as a kid for so long and now I'm in a relationship that requires I tell the truth and I'm finding it difficult all I'm asking is that u help me get over it rather than always knocking me down for getting it wrong
Me: so what do u expect that I give u a big Hug and say everything will be ok and say that I trust u again or that I don't feel like u prefer the ex to me that's why ure struggling to let go of her... Despite all my tears and begging to get rid of the ties with her u cnt help picking up her calls and secretly messaging her on twitter?
So the conversation went back and forth and it made me very bitter .. Knowing that I'm living with one who promises me to ammend and says he loves me and those same lips lie to me
So I was feeling like we are truly getting no where
Then I had to say to him... I hate myself for hurting so much because i know if i didn't give u so much dedication and love I wouldnt be as hurt by the fact that u might be messing around this act of urs will not hurt me as much if i was messing around with other guys as well ... I just wish i could do the same so that u can be in my shoes and know how It feels being me... And to top it off u think i should not be too critical of u.!!
That passed and time went by but I found myself saying nawaoo see wetin love dey do me... Because i damn well know if we were in a relationship i wouldn't be waiting around for him to fix up his lying.. I wouldnt be hanging around hoping he breaks ties with the ex... I wouldn't be hanging around for the hope that it will get better cos I'm not even sure if it's me he wants or the ex but hey a thot came to mind which I desperately want to believe and this thot has kept me goin
I woke up the next morning and I heard a silent voice saying
I need u to go thru this so that u can see how a story can be so innocent in nature and when played back to someone else it can be very implicating
I need u to go thru this so u can forgive 999 times just like Jesus commanded .. It's not about the amount of wrongs he commits it's about how u must have a heart like Jesus and forgive him everytime
It's about u learning that u need to help ur partner out raher than point fingers at what he's doing wrong
It's about u Learning that some people are imperfect that does not mean they dont care about their imperfections but they struggle with it and are sometimes not willing to admit it to someone like me who will tell them off
It's about looking at him and stepping into his shoes and seein the difficulty thru his eyes rather than thru my eyes as the one who is hurting
And finally it's about knowin I'm the only one who can help him not u but only God
Only God can help him not thru my own ways of nagging and telling him how he is hurting me.. Not by pointing out his wrongs every 2 weeks or expecting a change overnight
So I woke up with these thots in my head and I'm like whatever man why should i bother with the prayers and all when it's quite blatant that he prefers his contact with the ex over me.. But hey I'm stuck here as a fool in love with the only option to keep tryin giving up will be stupid as we are married and we got a kid involved despite what the facts are I'll believe the lords report Which is my husband will love me like Christ loved the church not less
Easier said than done but I gotta fight with the voices in my head... Many thanks to those who left a comment in the previous post about him.. U guys have kept me encouraged despite it all ...
On a Brighter side my birthday is on the 25 June whoo hoo excited and since the last incident he has been super sweet pray it stays that way ..
It's ur girl barefeet!!
Then I spent a few weeks in solitary tryin to work on my brain so I don't live each day in the relationship tryin to hurt him back
You know when he asks u a question u just want to shout back rather than be civil... U just want to ask him why he was messing around with the ex etc
Anywhoo there have been improvements in regards to the story and believe me I'll leave it to u guys to figure out if it can be called positive?
The other day goin thru his fone as usual as there is no trust I am left with spying on him all the time
I saw a text that he sent to his ex's sister saying
"Putting my son to bed will call u back later"
That was sent to a naija number and this is me thinking don't tell me he is not in contact with the ex but now the sister does that make it less of a crime against what we agreed that he was to cut all ties with his ex
Sha I was not goin to ask him cos I thot oh well it's not that much of a crime as he and the ex's sister were always close friends of which he was told me about
Then on the other hand i thot since we are still In the process of healing I best not mention anything as that will only bring us back to where we started
And I also had to remind myself that he asked for sometime to win my trust back and clear up the mess of the past
So bringing this up will be like within 2 weeks of our last find I was expecting him to have cleared the mess up
And cut all ties
I then said for the sake of my sanity i would have to ask him regardless cos I cannot continue acting like were building especially on a foundation that has been shaken up once more With the news that he is in contact with the ex's sister
I then asked him see below
Me; so have we heard anything from ur ex since our last conversation
Hubby; since the last time no oo i haven't heard anything
Me; so she hasn't called or any of her family haven't called u
Hubby; no they havent not heard from them
I then put my head down at the disbelief and blatant lie he was telling then I asked the last question
Me; so ur ex's sister hasn't called u?
Hubby; no she hasn't
Me; so why did u send her a text saying u will call her back
Hubby; i knew u were gonna say that... She called me the other day and started asking that why did my wife call my ex asking her all those questions that my wife had no right to call and start accusing the ex of something that never was and I just told her that just leave me to deal with my wife and u deal with ur sister on ur side and she was having none of it and just kept on shouting so I cut fone and lied that I was putting my son to bed and I'll call her back which i never did.. The reason I didn't tell u about it is because I Thot we were still fresh in regards to the last incident and i didnt want u thinking I got in contact with her again so I just thot I'll delete it out of my system and we hopefully build what was broken already rather than bringing up the issue again ...
Me; ok fine that I understand but what bugs me deeply is the fact that even when i just asked u about it u denied it profusely that then makes me think what else are u lying to me about .. What else are u hiding away from me in the name of not hurting me... For all I Care u might have been in contact with ur ex's sister to try and get to talk to ur ex
Hubby; well I knew u were gonna say that .. I just wish u would give me some time to fix this problem I have of constantly lying.. It's something i have been doin as a kid for so long and now I'm in a relationship that requires I tell the truth and I'm finding it difficult all I'm asking is that u help me get over it rather than always knocking me down for getting it wrong
Me: so what do u expect that I give u a big Hug and say everything will be ok and say that I trust u again or that I don't feel like u prefer the ex to me that's why ure struggling to let go of her... Despite all my tears and begging to get rid of the ties with her u cnt help picking up her calls and secretly messaging her on twitter?
So the conversation went back and forth and it made me very bitter .. Knowing that I'm living with one who promises me to ammend and says he loves me and those same lips lie to me
So I was feeling like we are truly getting no where
Then I had to say to him... I hate myself for hurting so much because i know if i didn't give u so much dedication and love I wouldnt be as hurt by the fact that u might be messing around this act of urs will not hurt me as much if i was messing around with other guys as well ... I just wish i could do the same so that u can be in my shoes and know how It feels being me... And to top it off u think i should not be too critical of u.!!
That passed and time went by but I found myself saying nawaoo see wetin love dey do me... Because i damn well know if we were in a relationship i wouldn't be waiting around for him to fix up his lying.. I wouldnt be hanging around hoping he breaks ties with the ex... I wouldn't be hanging around for the hope that it will get better cos I'm not even sure if it's me he wants or the ex but hey a thot came to mind which I desperately want to believe and this thot has kept me goin
I woke up the next morning and I heard a silent voice saying
I need u to go thru this so that u can see how a story can be so innocent in nature and when played back to someone else it can be very implicating
I need u to go thru this so u can forgive 999 times just like Jesus commanded .. It's not about the amount of wrongs he commits it's about how u must have a heart like Jesus and forgive him everytime
It's about u learning that u need to help ur partner out raher than point fingers at what he's doing wrong
It's about u Learning that some people are imperfect that does not mean they dont care about their imperfections but they struggle with it and are sometimes not willing to admit it to someone like me who will tell them off
It's about looking at him and stepping into his shoes and seein the difficulty thru his eyes rather than thru my eyes as the one who is hurting
And finally it's about knowin I'm the only one who can help him not u but only God
Only God can help him not thru my own ways of nagging and telling him how he is hurting me.. Not by pointing out his wrongs every 2 weeks or expecting a change overnight
So I woke up with these thots in my head and I'm like whatever man why should i bother with the prayers and all when it's quite blatant that he prefers his contact with the ex over me.. But hey I'm stuck here as a fool in love with the only option to keep tryin giving up will be stupid as we are married and we got a kid involved despite what the facts are I'll believe the lords report Which is my husband will love me like Christ loved the church not less
Easier said than done but I gotta fight with the voices in my head... Many thanks to those who left a comment in the previous post about him.. U guys have kept me encouraged despite it all ...
On a Brighter side my birthday is on the 25 June whoo hoo excited and since the last incident he has been super sweet pray it stays that way ..
It's ur girl barefeet!!
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
A fool in love!!
You know there are certain rules u have in regards to relationships ... Things u will put up with things u will never put up with ... Things u can tolerate and things that are self inflicted .....
Well all of the rules above seem like a distant memory to me I'll explain below...
My husband has an ex called j
They seperated a long time ago but remained friends ( apparently?!!)
We been married 3 years and I have always made it known that the way this ex is always reacting to my husband she still desperately has feelings for him
This was and is a conversation I've had with my husband too many a times but I guess in a friendly manner rather than warning him directly that ur ex still likes u I don't think it's healthy for our relationship that ure still in contact with her
Well the other whilst in his inbox I saw a message from her saying thanks for checking up on me I haven't fashied ur side I just thot u were busy....
Let's rewind before I saw this message I and my husband were under the understanding that yes she was not healthy for our marriage so he deleted her off his Facebook account ... So seein that message recently I was like o..... K why is he checkin up on her to see how she is doing this must have been his message to her that's y she replied saying she hasnt fashied him...
Anyways for the sake of avoiding an argument I never mentioned anything as I thot it was harmless he was only checking up on her... So I kept tabs on their messages to each other only to log on to his twitter Acct at 2am and I saw the conversation below
Hubby; you look stunning in your picture
Ex; fanks sugar muah!!
Hubby; let's do lunch in June
Ex; sure cool
Hubby; what are your preferences apart from Monica lol
Ex; lobster not usually on twitter this much this is fun
Hubby; me I dont like lobster I rather go for something meaty
Like nandos, etc
Ex; yawning nandos is boring maybe Turkish or wagamama
Hubby; listen if it's lobster you want .. Lobster it is... I will do all I can to make this happen in june.. What's the dress code trad?
Ex; lol at traditional how about costume
Hubby; I can still remember the Chinese we had in bayswater
Ex; hmm my memory is a bit foggy
Hubby; you choose the place and I'll be there... I've tweeted in one night than I've ever done, this is fun
Ex; same here
Hubby; blow me a kiss
Ex; my turn!
Hubby; xxx
And the conversation ended at 2am
Now let's switch the lights to what's happening in my brain... Oh my God I can't believe my eyes my husband is still in contact with his ex despite our agreement to stop contact with her and delete her from facebook... Not only has he deleted her their planning to meet next month and their blowing kisses
This is when the instrumentals chime in my head """ he's cheating on me"""
I call my girlfriend and she consoles me and all that business and suggests that I ask him when last he was in contact wit the ex and see if he is forthcoming with the truth...
He walks in from work the next morning... I ask oh wen last did u get to speak to ur ex since the last conversation we had about deleting her.... He replies oh it was over a year ago since I deleted her and not heard from her a lot since... I reply so when last did u speak to her he said yesterday ... I'm like ok how did u get to speak to her he then says u know from ur email address someone can chat to u via bbm or whatsapp
I reply erm thats not possible because with bbm u need to have given them ur pin number or on what's app they have ur number thats the only way they can chat with u
He then says yeh it's on what's app
I then said cool
I said to him what's ur twitter username and password
He then smiles and says so was that y u were asking about my ex cos u have been on my twitter
I said that's not the question
He refused to give me the details and told me I already know it so theres no point asking him for it
I logged in and asked him please explain to me whats this conversation you're having with ur ex
This is where the title " a fool in love " comes in
He says to me
Hubby ; I have a problem of which I flirt with girls a lot... And that conversation u see there was me just flirting there was no ounce of intention to follow it thru
Me; so the bit about blowing the kiss and booking lunch nko
Hubby; I and this girl have been friends ever since we broke up and never met once.., and this includes before I started goin out with u...the reason is we always joke about meeting up and we just never do... This conversation is just one of the many we have had flirting an joking
To Cut the story short after speaking to his parents and his parents begging me and him begging me telling me it's not what it looks like I've had to remain in the relationship cos I love him...
I've had to stay cos I dont believe him
I've had to stay cos I'm pregnant with our second baby
Ive had to stay cos a virtuous woman stays thru the thick and thin and works at her marriage cos giving up will mean the ex wins
Ive had to stay as he is yet to say he loves her more than me.. He promises to go for counselling so he can stop Lying and flirting
I've had to stay cos I'm a fool in love Cos under normal circumstances if someone told me their husband did what he did I know I would tell them ahh me I won't believe him oo I will leave him so he can Go and enjoy lobsters forever with his ex
Well now im in that exact situation and it hurts knowing I can't walk away and it hurts being s fool for love!!
You know there are certain rules u have in regards to relationships ... Things u will put up with things u will never put up with ... Things u can tolerate and things that are self inflicted .....
Well all of the rules above seem like a distant memory to me I'll explain below...
My husband has an ex called j
They seperated a long time ago but remained friends ( apparently?!!)
We been married 3 years and I have always made it known that the way this ex is always reacting to my husband she still desperately has feelings for him
This was and is a conversation I've had with my husband too many a times but I guess in a friendly manner rather than warning him directly that ur ex still likes u I don't think it's healthy for our relationship that ure still in contact with her
Well the other whilst in his inbox I saw a message from her saying thanks for checking up on me I haven't fashied ur side I just thot u were busy....
Let's rewind before I saw this message I and my husband were under the understanding that yes she was not healthy for our marriage so he deleted her off his Facebook account ... So seein that message recently I was like o..... K why is he checkin up on her to see how she is doing this must have been his message to her that's y she replied saying she hasnt fashied him...
Anyways for the sake of avoiding an argument I never mentioned anything as I thot it was harmless he was only checking up on her... So I kept tabs on their messages to each other only to log on to his twitter Acct at 2am and I saw the conversation below
Hubby; you look stunning in your picture
Ex; fanks sugar muah!!
Hubby; let's do lunch in June
Ex; sure cool
Hubby; what are your preferences apart from Monica lol
Ex; lobster not usually on twitter this much this is fun
Hubby; me I dont like lobster I rather go for something meaty
Like nandos, etc
Ex; yawning nandos is boring maybe Turkish or wagamama
Hubby; listen if it's lobster you want .. Lobster it is... I will do all I can to make this happen in june.. What's the dress code trad?
Ex; lol at traditional how about costume
Hubby; I can still remember the Chinese we had in bayswater
Ex; hmm my memory is a bit foggy
Hubby; you choose the place and I'll be there... I've tweeted in one night than I've ever done, this is fun
Ex; same here
Hubby; blow me a kiss
Ex; my turn!
Hubby; xxx
And the conversation ended at 2am
Now let's switch the lights to what's happening in my brain... Oh my God I can't believe my eyes my husband is still in contact with his ex despite our agreement to stop contact with her and delete her from facebook... Not only has he deleted her their planning to meet next month and their blowing kisses
This is when the instrumentals chime in my head """ he's cheating on me"""
I call my girlfriend and she consoles me and all that business and suggests that I ask him when last he was in contact wit the ex and see if he is forthcoming with the truth...
He walks in from work the next morning... I ask oh wen last did u get to speak to ur ex since the last conversation we had about deleting her.... He replies oh it was over a year ago since I deleted her and not heard from her a lot since... I reply so when last did u speak to her he said yesterday ... I'm like ok how did u get to speak to her he then says u know from ur email address someone can chat to u via bbm or whatsapp
I reply erm thats not possible because with bbm u need to have given them ur pin number or on what's app they have ur number thats the only way they can chat with u
He then says yeh it's on what's app
I then said cool
I said to him what's ur twitter username and password
He then smiles and says so was that y u were asking about my ex cos u have been on my twitter
I said that's not the question
He refused to give me the details and told me I already know it so theres no point asking him for it
I logged in and asked him please explain to me whats this conversation you're having with ur ex
This is where the title " a fool in love " comes in
He says to me
Hubby ; I have a problem of which I flirt with girls a lot... And that conversation u see there was me just flirting there was no ounce of intention to follow it thru
Me; so the bit about blowing the kiss and booking lunch nko
Hubby; I and this girl have been friends ever since we broke up and never met once.., and this includes before I started goin out with u...the reason is we always joke about meeting up and we just never do... This conversation is just one of the many we have had flirting an joking
To Cut the story short after speaking to his parents and his parents begging me and him begging me telling me it's not what it looks like I've had to remain in the relationship cos I love him...
I've had to stay cos I dont believe him
I've had to stay cos I'm pregnant with our second baby
Ive had to stay cos a virtuous woman stays thru the thick and thin and works at her marriage cos giving up will mean the ex wins
Ive had to stay as he is yet to say he loves her more than me.. He promises to go for counselling so he can stop Lying and flirting
I've had to stay cos I'm a fool in love Cos under normal circumstances if someone told me their husband did what he did I know I would tell them ahh me I won't believe him oo I will leave him so he can Go and enjoy lobsters forever with his ex
Well now im in that exact situation and it hurts knowing I can't walk away and it hurts being s fool for love!!
Tuesday, 15 March 2011
Sugar-husband compulsive disorder (SCD)
Sugar-husband compulsive disorder (SCD)
This I had to write cos i think and know now that the way I define love isn't the way u define love... Wen I describe my relationship it might not be ur ideal relationship
I've come from a place where I had my checklist as to whom I could marry or date
As I grew older many things off that list came off
This then leads me to the story of my SCD"
many men before him had proposed a relationship to me the oldest being 33 and I cursed the living day light out of them ... Saying they were too old .. Sugar daddies ... God forbid... And I was soo into that omarion and lil bow wow look young and pretty boys... I had at Least 3 of them over 30's on my case and one that was 29 which I really made his life a living hell ...the guy beg so tey and I just won't have it.. To the point that he would call and sing to me on the fone soundin like a frog .... I guess what pissed me off was the fact that the first day that he saw me he said my parents will be soo happy to meet me... And im like "wrong" u dnt say that to a girl on the first date except she is 39 and desperately seeking...
Well then my SCD"
I was 19 he was 31
He was 6 foot
I am 5:6"
He was more than a gentleman
He swagger was on point
Well built
Very well spoken
Two left legged (dancing wise of course lol )
And more importantly he was a man
He smelt good
Felt good (when we hugged lol )
Broke me down real good
All my inhibitions about old men out the window
I had a thing for younger guys
But old men always found me attractive cos I acted older than most girls my age
Young guys cudnt stand me Cos they knew I cud read them like a book which had a title
"searching for sex "
So I found that my SCD became my young guy
My perfect gentleman
We played tennis
We had our playfights and wrestled each other
We wined and dined
And i saw him for he who he is
And who he was gonna be
My one and only sugar husband
What happens afterwards when we get hitched is a story for another day... The story of
Small- hoochies compulsive disorder (SCD)
Vs
Sugar husband compulsive disorder (SCD )
The thing is i call it a disorder cos if my 19 year old said to me she found a 31 year old boyfriend automatically the alarm bells of paedophile will start ringing and ur parental security checks will be doubled ... So I call it a disorder as society sees it as one... Guess its become more acceptable Now but u can still
Hear the snigger... (na one sugar daddy she go find marry ,,,i no know why she dey rush into marriage?!!)
But like they say orderly mess
And it's a lovely compulsion of which I'm joyfully addicted to him
to be continued letting u know the positives and negatives of being married to my scd and vice versa...
Its ur girl barefeet!
This I had to write cos i think and know now that the way I define love isn't the way u define love... Wen I describe my relationship it might not be ur ideal relationship
I've come from a place where I had my checklist as to whom I could marry or date
As I grew older many things off that list came off
This then leads me to the story of my SCD"
many men before him had proposed a relationship to me the oldest being 33 and I cursed the living day light out of them ... Saying they were too old .. Sugar daddies ... God forbid... And I was soo into that omarion and lil bow wow look young and pretty boys... I had at Least 3 of them over 30's on my case and one that was 29 which I really made his life a living hell ...the guy beg so tey and I just won't have it.. To the point that he would call and sing to me on the fone soundin like a frog .... I guess what pissed me off was the fact that the first day that he saw me he said my parents will be soo happy to meet me... And im like "wrong" u dnt say that to a girl on the first date except she is 39 and desperately seeking...
Well then my SCD"
I was 19 he was 31
He was 6 foot
I am 5:6"
He was more than a gentleman
He swagger was on point
Well built
Very well spoken
Two left legged (dancing wise of course lol )
And more importantly he was a man
He smelt good
Felt good (when we hugged lol )
Broke me down real good
All my inhibitions about old men out the window
I had a thing for younger guys
But old men always found me attractive cos I acted older than most girls my age
Young guys cudnt stand me Cos they knew I cud read them like a book which had a title
"searching for sex "
So I found that my SCD became my young guy
My perfect gentleman
We played tennis
We had our playfights and wrestled each other
We wined and dined
And i saw him for he who he is
And who he was gonna be
My one and only sugar husband
What happens afterwards when we get hitched is a story for another day... The story of
Small- hoochies compulsive disorder (SCD)
Vs
Sugar husband compulsive disorder (SCD )
The thing is i call it a disorder cos if my 19 year old said to me she found a 31 year old boyfriend automatically the alarm bells of paedophile will start ringing and ur parental security checks will be doubled ... So I call it a disorder as society sees it as one... Guess its become more acceptable Now but u can still
Hear the snigger... (na one sugar daddy she go find marry ,,,i no know why she dey rush into marriage?!!)
But like they say orderly mess
And it's a lovely compulsion of which I'm joyfully addicted to him
to be continued letting u know the positives and negatives of being married to my scd and vice versa...
Its ur girl barefeet!
Monday, 7 February 2011
what happens after the sex?
my Darling bloggers happy new year and merry xmas and the whole lot...its ur girl barefeet im back and ready to do what i do best ....as promised heres one of the many thots that crossed my mind during the long break enjoy...
Many a times I've had to ask wow there's such a hype before the sex... Thots running back and forth perfumes sprayed destroying the ozone layer .... Hair flushed and thrown down the bin in preparation
Nails cut and trimmed and even added for enhancement ( don't ask me for what)
Mercury /foundation/ charcoal .. On the face
Ororo all over lips and skin all given fancy names...
For the men preparation to make the muscles appear larger and stay longer... ( don't ask me where)
Sometimes tablets taken sef to boost confidence... Self easteem or even to dull u so u appear larger than life and are so out of ur face u don't remember the incident... And I wonder nawaooo so much fuss and preparation for that moment of ahhh ( that could be baritone or high pitched depends what u sound like at the moment lol)
Apparently some hit notes like Maria Carey whilst on the other end some sound like Barry White at the moment... Lol
But hey let's fast forward a bit to the bit after... What happens after the sex?
His
Chai I'm shattered gotta put on a brave face
What time is the next game of football on
Oh yeh I have to call my mate. Back to arrange our nite out
Keep focused she's expecting u to say some line like brad Pitt would in the movies??
sleep dey catch me I gotta keep awake
She best know I'm the ish... Damn I got her screaming or on the other end... She didnt even mutter a word
Best brace myself Just in case there's a second half
Damn she felt like a goalpost
Damn she is really a virgin
Hope the condom didn't break
I ain't coming here again
I'll definitely be back damn she was good
And the list is limited!!
Hers
Please say something romantic
Please kiss my forehead and tell me that was beautiful if u can't say I love u at the least
Cuddle up next to me and hold me tight making me feel like I matter
Don't just turn on ur side and act like I didn't just give myself to u
Does he love me or is this just a momentary thing
Damn he was good I'm beginning to fall in love with him
Will he still marry me now that I've given him my body?
Oh God please forgive me for sinning
Oh he was soo crap sex is soo overrated
I hope I don't get pregnant as soon as im showering im taking the pills
what kind of style was that does he think I'm a prostitute?
Na here I go die he was worth the trade off
And the list is truly endless lol
its ur girl barefeet!
Many a times I've had to ask wow there's such a hype before the sex... Thots running back and forth perfumes sprayed destroying the ozone layer .... Hair flushed and thrown down the bin in preparation
Nails cut and trimmed and even added for enhancement ( don't ask me for what)
Mercury /foundation/ charcoal .. On the face
Ororo all over lips and skin all given fancy names...
For the men preparation to make the muscles appear larger and stay longer... ( don't ask me where)
Sometimes tablets taken sef to boost confidence... Self easteem or even to dull u so u appear larger than life and are so out of ur face u don't remember the incident... And I wonder nawaooo so much fuss and preparation for that moment of ahhh ( that could be baritone or high pitched depends what u sound like at the moment lol)
Apparently some hit notes like Maria Carey whilst on the other end some sound like Barry White at the moment... Lol
But hey let's fast forward a bit to the bit after... What happens after the sex?
His
Chai I'm shattered gotta put on a brave face
What time is the next game of football on
Oh yeh I have to call my mate. Back to arrange our nite out
Keep focused she's expecting u to say some line like brad Pitt would in the movies??
sleep dey catch me I gotta keep awake
She best know I'm the ish... Damn I got her screaming or on the other end... She didnt even mutter a word
Best brace myself Just in case there's a second half
Damn she felt like a goalpost
Damn she is really a virgin
Hope the condom didn't break
I ain't coming here again
I'll definitely be back damn she was good
And the list is limited!!
Hers
Please say something romantic
Please kiss my forehead and tell me that was beautiful if u can't say I love u at the least
Cuddle up next to me and hold me tight making me feel like I matter
Don't just turn on ur side and act like I didn't just give myself to u
Does he love me or is this just a momentary thing
Damn he was good I'm beginning to fall in love with him
Will he still marry me now that I've given him my body?
Oh God please forgive me for sinning
Oh he was soo crap sex is soo overrated
I hope I don't get pregnant as soon as im showering im taking the pills
what kind of style was that does he think I'm a prostitute?
Na here I go die he was worth the trade off
And the list is truly endless lol
its ur girl barefeet!
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
ok bloggers i have a confession
sorry i havent been on here replied the comments and all..been having exams and too much jists for u guys...as in to the point that i have mini typed all the topics i want to talk about on my phone...so bear with me..ill be back on the road and train journeys to uni and back next monday ...(as thats the only time i update my blog) and until then i hope this blogger awards thing is still goin on so i can nominate the nominators...if that makes sense caio love ya
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