Tuesday, 21 June 2011

A fool in love series 2

So as we trudged along with me havin evidence that he is messing around with the ex And his Side of story that they were just flirting and it was nothing serious he wasn't planning to meet up with her

Then I spent a few weeks in solitary tryin to work on my brain so I don't live each day in the relationship tryin to hurt him back
You know when he asks u a question u just want to shout back rather than be civil... U just want to ask him why he was messing around with the ex etc

Anywhoo there have been improvements in regards to the story and believe me I'll leave it to u guys to figure out if it can be called positive?
The other day goin thru his fone as usual as there is no trust I am left with spying on him all the time
I saw a text that he sent to his ex's sister saying

"Putting my son to bed will call u back later"

That was sent to a naija number and this is me thinking don't tell me he is not in contact with the ex but now the sister does that make it less of a crime against what we agreed that he was to cut all ties with his ex
Sha I was not goin to ask him cos I thot oh well it's not that much of a crime as he and the ex's sister were always close friends of which he was told me about
Then on the other hand i thot since we are still In the process of healing I best not mention anything as that will only bring us back to where we started
And I also had to remind myself that he asked for sometime to win my trust back and clear up the mess of the past
So bringing this up will be like within 2 weeks of our last find I was expecting him to have cleared the mess up
And cut all ties
I then said for the sake of my sanity i would have to ask him regardless cos I cannot continue acting like were building especially on a foundation that has been shaken up once more With the news that he is in contact with the ex's sister

I then asked him see below

Me; so have we heard anything from ur ex since our last conversation

Hubby; since the last time no oo i haven't heard anything

Me; so she hasn't called or any of her family haven't called u

Hubby; no they havent not heard from them

I then put my head down at the disbelief and blatant lie he was telling then I asked the last question

Me; so ur ex's sister hasn't called u?

Hubby; no she hasn't

Me; so why did u send her a text saying u will call her back

Hubby; i knew u were gonna say that... She called me the other day and started asking that why did my wife call my ex asking her all those questions that my wife had no right to call and start accusing the ex of something that never was and I just told her that just leave me to deal with my wife and u deal with ur sister on ur side and she was having none of it and just kept on shouting so I cut fone and lied that I was putting my son to bed and I'll call her back which i never did.. The reason I didn't tell u about it is because I Thot we were still fresh in regards to the last incident and i didnt want u thinking I got in contact with her again so I just thot I'll delete it out of my system and we hopefully build what was broken already rather than bringing up the issue again ...

Me; ok fine that I understand but what bugs me deeply is the fact that even when i just asked u about it u denied it profusely that then makes me think what else are u lying to me about .. What else are u hiding away from me in the name of not hurting me... For all I Care u might have been in contact with ur ex's sister to try and get to talk to ur ex

Hubby; well I knew u were gonna say that .. I just wish u would give me some time to fix this problem I have of constantly lying.. It's something i have been doin as a kid for so long and now I'm in a relationship that requires I tell the truth and I'm finding it difficult all I'm asking is that u help me get over it rather than always knocking me down for getting it wrong

Me: so what do u expect that I give u a big Hug and say everything will be ok and say that I trust u again or that I don't feel like u prefer the ex to me that's why ure struggling to let go of her... Despite all my tears and begging to get rid of the ties with her u cnt help picking up her calls and secretly messaging her on twitter?

So the conversation went back and forth and it made me very bitter .. Knowing that I'm living with one who promises me to ammend and says he loves me and those same lips lie to me

So I was feeling like we are truly getting no where

Then I had to say to him... I hate myself for hurting so much because i know if i didn't give u so much dedication and love I wouldnt be as hurt by the fact that u might be messing around this act of urs will not hurt me as much if i was messing around with other guys as well ... I just wish i could do the same so that u can be in my shoes and know how It feels being me... And to top it off u think i should not be too critical of u.!!

That passed and time went by but I found myself saying nawaoo see wetin love dey do me... Because i damn well know if we were in a relationship i wouldn't be waiting around for him to fix up his lying.. I wouldnt be hanging around hoping he breaks ties with the ex... I wouldn't be hanging around for the hope that it will get better cos I'm not even sure if it's me he wants or the ex but hey a thot came to mind which I desperately want to believe and this thot has kept me goin

I woke up the next morning and I heard a silent voice saying

I need u to go thru this so that u can see how a story can be so innocent in nature and when played back to someone else it can be very implicating

I need u to go thru this so u can forgive 999 times just like Jesus commanded .. It's not about the amount of wrongs he commits it's about how u must have a heart like Jesus and forgive him everytime

It's about u learning that u need to help ur partner out raher than point fingers at what he's doing wrong

It's about u Learning that some people are imperfect that does not mean they dont care about their imperfections but they struggle with it and are sometimes not willing to admit it to someone like me who will tell them off

It's about looking at him and stepping into his shoes and seein the difficulty thru his eyes rather than thru my eyes as the one who is hurting

And finally it's about knowin I'm the only one who can help him not u but only God

Only God can help him not thru my own ways of nagging and telling him how he is hurting me.. Not by pointing out his wrongs every 2 weeks or expecting a change overnight

So I woke up with these thots in my head and I'm like whatever man why should i bother with the prayers and all when it's quite blatant that he prefers his contact with the ex over me.. But hey I'm stuck here as a fool in love with the only option to keep tryin giving up will be stupid as we are married and we got a kid involved despite what the facts are I'll believe the lords report Which is my husband will love me like Christ loved the church not less

Easier said than done but I gotta fight with the voices in my head... Many thanks to those who left a comment in the previous post about him.. U guys have kept me encouraged despite it all ...

On a Brighter side my birthday is on the 25 June whoo hoo excited and since the last incident he has been super sweet pray it stays that way ..

It's ur girl barefeet!!