Wednesday, 30 June 2010


Your grandeur we cannot compare or contest

You evoke majesty in its originality

You surpass my understanding…you revel at my worship

My praise and worship is silent but lord u know my thots even before I speak them

You were

You are

You’re everywhere

In the sunlight

The rainfall

The wind

The gale

The air

The follicles of my being bow at the awesomeness of your majesty

You name alone is worthy of praise

No matter how much I sin and fall short of your grace I know ill never find another like you

You are a precious wonder and im just as good as yonder at the thot that im more than a grain of sand

Like royalty yet so fickle is what I am

You came all the way to die for a grain of sand like me..

When I think of the millions of people in the world, surely a microscope cannot make me distinct in the crowd…

Yet u know all our names

All are engraved in the palm of your hands

My words belittle u oh lord if I spoke since the day of my birth to the day I die…the praises that I utter would never be enough….it will not be enough to say how magnificent u are…..

All the constellation of stars, u know their names…all the children of yours u know their name….yet with my actions I belittle you….

I could never fathom how much u care for me..

I’m not worth it….

If I counted my sins from the day I was born till now, they will be as many as the stars My nature condemns me

My sins surround me

My actions wound me..

Yet u came to saved me..

I will rise…im not worthy but I will rise…above all as I rise help me to see me as u see me…that way I can be whom u want me to be…

ur daughter barefeet

Friday, 18 June 2010


Feeling very lonely lately although I have company

I feel like im walking alone in this journey of love

Although its meant to be a partnership

I feel I have an idea of love that the other partner doesn’t share

And surely when u both see and define love differently

One might seem complacent whilst the other is tryin to adjust

So what u have is one is ok to sit at the bottom of the mountain

Whilst the other tryin to pull the one sittin up the mountain

I feel I should be thankful yet I cant be thankful for something I cant feel

I can only believe it exists, but cant feel it

I believe he loves me…

But I cant see it…

He’s struggling to show it…

Its almost like teachin him to show it…

And when he shows it is because I gave him an idea and hes gone to do it

The question then lies…if he didn’t love me he wont take up the idea…or is he so bored with the relationship that he at a cross road.

Hes my partner yet I feel so bored cos hes never around, the relationship is based around texts, emails, and 3 min calls.

3 min calls as If I were talking to a friend and not a lover.

Almost formal and usual

# how was work

# how u feelin

# ows the baby etc

cant speak to him about it cos he will see it as a criticism that im not satisfied bla bla bla

he’ll say ive always said I cant never please u barefeet, and this convo just goes to prove it.

I have gone as far as asking why are u stil with me,…its almost like ure trudging along with the relationship rather than having fun with it…he says he loves me that’s y he is still here…he says he’s still crazy about me etc..,.

But he just doesn’t show it…either because hes too busy at work to show it…or because he doesn’t know ow to express himself anymore..believe me he used in this guy cried once and told me ow much he loved me deeply now we are at a point that theres no mushy mushy in the relationship. Its all strait talk or crudeness as in crude jokes etc..but im tired of tryin to read btw the lines of that crudeness to know he cares,,.,,,


Rite na only blogger I fit tell this jist no one else knows this…. but here goes…

Just the other day I had an argument with the hubby this was the most lil argument that certainly went out of hand….

It all started with I cant even remember clearly…but just a normal argument as to wat we doin for the day and banter lead to banter and then next thing he says that’s ow I have been raised to be confrontational…and that pissed me off on a next level…then he says do I know ow many women out there will be happy to have a man that goes to work 7 days a week and provides for the family…rather than sit home and do nothing and my reply to him was ….GO AND FUCKIN MEET THEM THEN!….my peeps at blogger im not one to swear or curse as per xtian but since e don abuse the way I was raised…I just lost my cool…abuse here and then I abuse am back etc…for the first time I stood up to him and abused his family back…im one never to do that because I think in abusing my man im abusing God I respect him that much and he agrees that I have never abused him like that before.

So moving on…we went quiet and we weren’t talking to each other he was sleepin all day woke up at 5pm cos he was workin all nite…this was a Saturday so I was waiting up for him so we can at least go and do some Saturday shoppin etc…he woke up the argument continued and then 10pm he begins to snore on the sofa and then I lost my cool like shebi u just woke up at 5pm now 10pm ure sleepin again with no attempt to end the argument,..,.he got angry and said what do I want him to do…I said lets at least try and resolve this before u go to bed… im tired of carryin on like this etc,,,

Next thing his hands are on my neck and his choking me on the floor., my voice all muffled I say to him is this wat I deserve for tryin to end an argument …he carries on choking me..after a while he lets go off me …and all hell breaks loose I abuse his mum and father etc…and he just sat there abusing me back…I need a break

I must state we have never had an argument like this before never had domestic violence etc…im not making excuses for him but since then…it has felt like all I hold dear and love has crashed…..don’t have a dad …mums not available….the only thin I can call my own…..has now become a bitter experience…

How do I move on from this …I cant even look him in the face anymore…cos wen I do all I see is the angry face that was choking me….he has apologised umpteen times etc but I just cant get away from it ….he says loves me ….i cant even bring myself to say I love him anymore..doesn’t make sense to me that love can be domestic violence.

Through my actions of tryin to find the love left in me…I do not want to push him away. U know wen a woman goes quiet cos shes hurtin so bad…if it lingers too long the guy will get tired of beggin and if ure not avail to him as a wife there are many hyena’s out there waitin to take ur space and listen to him…

So my people this is what im goin thru I know its ok to feel the way I do, but I cant feel the way I do for too long or else my marriage will crash…but he cant expect too much from me cos im sure im allowed to hurt…but u must agree im not allowed to hurt for too long…im expected to heal for the sake of my baby, my marriage and because I want this to work ……;(

ur girl barefeet!