feedback regarding pre & post dads death

Rite finally I get some feedback regarding my dads sister if you all can remember the post I made regarding do I call her or not etc…well we have gone past that bit she called me back and we arranged to meet up

So she came over to my flat with her husband and boy…my husband left as soon he knew they were coming hoping to give us some space to catch up not knowing she was arriving with her battalion …so much for us catching up ..but I guess she did that cos she didn’t know wat to expect so she came with some backup lol..

She came and there were some awkward silences but since I was the host I had to make conversation…the conversation covered areas such as Nigerian businesses etc and then we landed on the topic we all feared my dads death

She said “oh I thot u guys were on good terms before he died and I was like hell no…I challenged him saying he knew nothing about me…the day I was born my lifestyle my likes and dislikes etc and he just didn’t act bothered he just said ok( ps ull need to read my post on “pre and post” to understand this better)

She was like u know he was under so much pressure and u know the men in our family are all spoiled when they are faced with challenges they just cower…I was like I don’t think that’s a suitable excuse esp after our last conversation,.,,

Through having this whole conversation I almost felt like crying cos I wuda preferred to hear it from the horses mouth instead of someone else speaking on his behalf…but yeh she sha explained how he really wanted to know me and didn’t know ow to go about it,..

Then it was time to exchange goodbyes…she said I shud just try and let the past events be…I put on a voltron defender of the universe look …like men I aint bothered,.,.but seemingly as she said that there was a cold wind that blew that caused me to shiver…shiver at the thot of letting go of the past or shiver from the weather I would like to think it’s the weather unfortunately it isn’t…im still bleeding from the questions I wanted to ask him that I never will get to ask him…I thot I was over him his death and I thot I had forgiven him especially wen I spoke to hubby about these things and I seemingly got comfy…but wen these peeps visited I realised the wound was still fresh a totally different feeling…I can definitely say if her husband wasn’t there I wuda cried…but I had to put on a brave face…

Now the next face begs for me to act and guard my heart…its been two weeks and I haven’t called her yet am I to call or is she to call

Do I go return the visit

And wen is the right time to return the visit

I have these questions in my head a million and one times and no decision I make seems right…I say ill visit in a month but that seems too early to return her visit…Ill say ill call her but then wen is the rite time to call and wat the hell am I to talk about …these are a fraction of the thots in my head,,,any suggestions bloggers?

Ur girl barefeet!