a while back i must have written about my dad....ill give u a summary
When my mum became pregnant with me....as per yoruba culture they went forward to my dads family to say ...apparently ur son got our daughter pregnant wat u goin to do about it...he refused that he didnt get my mum pregnant and my mums family left in shame....after a few months my dad comes with his family members to see my mum etc...and pay their respects as per she had given birth...so the question was asked y did u deny the pregnancy in the first place....he said his mum told him to etc...sha my mums side of the family....got angry with the excuses and asked him to leave...he never returned till i was about 7yrs of age....in this passage of time my mum dies due to complications after my birth...so he visits to give me sme food stuff...garri beans rice....and fingers chocolate to be precise....my mums family accepted it but he wasnt welcome still especially with the death of tiheir daughter...moving on he then returns 3 years later when i ws about 10...but stayed 5mins i told him my b.day ws comin up and he promised he wud come over but he nevr did or called etc...since then i never saw him...so it was a total of 3 times i saw him...then i was about 14...told a few lies and went to look for him...and he was never available...the one time i saw him...he just gave me loads of cash and i mean like £2000 back in 1997 and asked me if school was goin ok...didnt ask much about my personality and gettin to know me...he was too busy....moving on...
Sha i came to london and never visited or told him i was leaving cos he wsnt pulling his weight to see me....he was always busy and always had an excuse y..i got to london and with anger i let him remain in the past....moving on to last yr...my husband needed to know who my dad was..so i begged him that i dont want to open that chapter of my life....cos i dont think my dad wud do anything different to wat he did in d past....he wud not rejoice that im back in his life...my husband wanted to prove me wrong and went in search of my dad...i dont have his address or details...got his number thru some1 etc...and when we called his was more angry at the fact that no one told him wen we got married ...anywhoo im like he must really think himself as important cos hes not treated me like that all my life...so why shud i make him important....we went past that and started talkin maybe 1nce a month...but he never spoke much or gave me much to work with...he wud ask me ow u doin my baby my husband,..hp im ok...and then bye....my people that was the sequence of things for a whole year no further qs asked....he suffered a stroke and was recovering...then he sent me a txt at 6am...saying ..do u know u have a sister over there in london her name is bleep bleep and this is her number....then at 11am he calls with the such emotional joy than i have ever heard him express not even the first time he saw me...then he said...
Dad; hello barefeet did u get my message that i sent u this mornin..
Barefeet; yes i did...but im surprised at d reason u sent me tht txt
Dad; y wats the problem
Barefeet; its amazing that i dont know anythin about u...and now u want me to know my sis...i wuda thot we establish our relationship first then u introduce me to the other members of the family...for example u dont know wat day i ws born my birthday...u dont have a clue as to my personality i dont know anythin about u or the day u were born all i know is ur my father and im ur daughter....how about gettin to know each other then everyone else...
dad; ok no problem
Barefeet; is dat it....ure not goin to say anything else...
dad; its not somethin we can talk about on the fone...we wud need to see physically to talk about it (not sure if i mentioned he ws in nigeria and im in the uk)
Barefeet; rite ok no problem
I cudnt be asked to indulge him in more as he wanted to wait till we see to do these things and my qs is how long is it before i see him like,...who has promised us tomor....and then d next day he sent a txt saying...
Dad; my text to u yesterday ws with constructive intentions not destructive if i have touched any raw nerves...my apologies are hereby tendered!
Saw this and i replied
Barefeet; not a problem u havent touched any raw nerves...i just need to know u...and build a relationship with u first then i can then be introduced to the other members of the family...
this was last yr april....since then i didnt hear from him he never called me like he used to ....not a word from him...my brithday was in june...and i was hopin in my heart of hearts he might have enquired from wherever to find out and surprise me with a call....nothin ...he never calld...then this yr jan i got a call and i was told hes dead....how i felt is a different story,...for another day....im done grieving but lately i find myself goin back to tht text askin me to call my estranged sister....ill let u guys know....ive searched for her on fb and asked for her friendship considering my surname has changed she will not know who i am ,...so might not accept my request...even if she did accept my request that doesnt mean she knows who i am....so moving on...ive been starin at that msg and now ive moved from that and saved the number to my phonebook...people seriously that was a major for me....now the qs is do i call her text her...get in touch with her...wat am i to say,....do i need to open this door in my life ...as wat i might find might not be good....
In the sense that wen i opened d door to my dad....and wen i went searchin for him at d age of 14....he was everythin everyone told me he was....non chalant and took everythin in his stride...didnt push to get anythin done ...as a matter of urgency...so that left me with a sour taste in my mouth then my husband came along and my dad did no different....do i call her or do i just let that part of my life end with his death...is it worth it or not...is it to be or not to be...peeps i need ur advice...frank advice...
Ur girl barefeet!
4 comments:
What do u have to lose? With ur dad, i'm assuming u dont have a lot of regrets because u tried multiple times to have a relationship with him. Just imagine if u never tried, how would u feel now?
Anyway, with ur sister, i think u should call her and take it from there. Good luck with it.
i think you should reach out...at least try even if its not fruitful...have a great week
I honestly don't know what to say. This is a decision you must make yourself. I will suggest that since it is bothering you so much, you should try and get in touch with her. If you hit a dead end, then you know you have tried and maybe the burden on you will lessen.
All the best dear, this is not an easy one. HUGS
I won't lie, my heart bleeds for u babes. I want to say u should call her and try to find out if ur pops treated her any differently, but what if he did, wouldn't that worsen ur pain? I say call her still, if for anything at least for closure.
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